backpackYou worry they will get lost.

You hope they make some nice friends.

You know you will never hear all the accurate details about what happened.

A backpack is involved.

You’re afraid they won’t eat well.

You’re pretty sure this determines how the rest of their life will go.

You spend a lot of time reassuring yourself they will be just fine.

You wonder how they grew up so fast.

You can’t believe you have to worry about guns at school.

The house feels ridiculously empty. And so quiet.

You’re nervous that it’s going to be hard for them.

You spent way too much on back to school supplies.

You question whether you taught them the right skills.

You wish you could be a fly on the wall.

You’re worried about them going to bed early enough.

You are filled with pride.

Ways the First Day of College is Like the First Day of Kindergarten for Parents

You worry they will get lost. You hope they make some nice friends. You know you will never hear all the accurate details about what happened. A backpack is involved. You’re afraid they won’t eat well. You’re pretty sure this determines how the rest of their life will go. You spend a lot of time … Read more

tadpolesSometimes it is astounding how one small oversight can simply snowball.

When we had our above ground pool opened at the beginning of the summer, the pool guy first did all of his work THEN had me come outside to show me that the outer shell of the pool has rusted in one spot and the liner was poking through. He told me that tiny hole could rupture, causing the entire pool and anyone in it to come gushing out a big sharp metal hole that could suddenly appear, likely killing anyone inside. Needless to say, we weren’t about to use the pool after that news. So, my husband drained it but never got around to covering it. We can’t afford to replace the pool this summer and if we simply tore it down, we would lose the sand underneath it and replacing it would be more expensive. So it has stood empty for a couple of months as we’ve been busy with other things.

We’ve just discovered it’s filled with hundreds of tadpoles in the couple inches of rain water that has accumulated. This has led to quite a conundrum. If we drain it again and cover it, all those little tadpoles will die in our yard and will smell. If we wait for them to grow into frogs and jump out or help them out, our yard will be overrun with snake predators (we know this well because my son used to capture frogs and bring them home when he was small and we had quite a problem).

So we now are going to have scoop those frogs out and relocate them somewhere else. I’m happy to rescue those froggies, but sometimes it’s amazing how things can snowball!

Sometimes it is astounding how one small oversight can simply snowball. When we had our above ground pool opened at the beginning of the summer, the pool guy first did all of his work THEN had me come outside to show me that the outer shell of the pool has rusted in one spot and … Read more

On Puppy Time

Posted by Brette in Life

Pelly Apr 2015I haven’t been posting a lot lately because of this gorgeous little face. Our beautiful boy Percy left us on Easter. Within a couple of weeks, we brought home Pellinore (Pelly) who is the sweetest girl in the world. However, it’s been a bit challenging. She came home at 8 weeks and was not sleeping through the night. We have just now reached the point where she is making it through the night so I’m starting to feel human. My work-life balance went out the window as well since sitting in my office for most of the day is not fun for a puppy, so I’m spending a lot of time outside or playing with toys. When I am in the office, I’m dealing with pressing things and trying to keep my head above water.

She loves to be in the kitchen when I am cooking and I’m hoping to get back to some more creative cooking now that I’m not a sleep-deprived zombie most of the time.

We’re doing well with house training and she’s a very smart dog – already learning the rules and anticipating what I’m doing. But we’re back to baby gates in the doorways, crates in the bedroom and kitchen, all my plants picked up, and constant watchfulness to be sure nothing gets chewed.

It’s been 10 years since we had a puppy this young and it has definitely been a re-learning experience in so many ways. But we love her to pieces and are glad she is part of our family.

I haven’t been posting a lot lately because of this gorgeous little face. Our beautiful boy Percy left us on Easter. Within a couple of weeks, we brought home Pellinore (Pelly) who is the sweetest girl in the world. However, it’s been a bit challenging. She came home at 8 weeks and was not sleeping … Read more

Lately I haven’t been writing a lot of blog posts, but I’ve been busy with lots of other types of writing. To stay on top of what I’ve been up to, follow my author page on Facebook where I’m posting links to lots of my work. I’ve been doing a lot of writing for HuffPo, Reel Life with Jane, and Legal Zoom.  I’m also very active on Twitter.

Lately I haven’t been writing a lot of blog posts, but I’ve been busy with lots of other types of writing. To stay on top of what I’ve been up to, follow my author page on Facebook where I’m posting links to lots of my work. I’ve been doing a lot of writing for HuffPo, Reel … Read more

Sorting

Posted by Brette in Life

vase T momMy sisters-in-law and I have been meeting every couple of weeks to sort through my mother-in-law’s belongings (she passed away in January). My father-in-law is living in the home, so we aren’t completely emptying it, but are dealing with her personal items and all of the decorative, holiday, and non-functional items my father-in-law doesn’t want or need. It is quite a process to sort through someone’s life.  I know she had been on a mission to get rid of a lot of things in the years before her death, so there isn’t as much as there could have been.  It’s hard to haul someone’s belongings to the curb or give them to Amvets when you know they had meaning to that person. But there is only so much each of us can fit into our own homes. I know my MIL would not be pleased to have her daughters-in-law going through her things. However she had only one daughter and it is too much for one person. I am finding the process to be very intimate and feel as if I am getting to know her in ways I never did or could have when she was alive. There are many surprises along the way. She kept stacks and stacks of drawings and cards. There must have been 40 cards from my husband’s birth and first birthdays. She kept all of her shoes in their original boxes. They filled a closet. She had paper doilies in every color of the rainbow. I discovered some gifts I gave her that she must not have wanted since they were squirreled away, brand new, in the basement.

My MIL had a style that was vastly different from mine. So I was very surprised to find the vase I’m including here. It’s gorgeous, heavy crystal. I have no idea where it came from (I never saw it out in her house) and it is so different from everything else she owned. I absolutely love it and am so happy to have it. Small treasures like these give me pause as we continue to work and sort. It’s sad to take someone’s life apart piece by piece, but I feel so happy when I find something like this vase that I can display and cherish.

My sisters-in-law and I have been meeting every couple of weeks to sort through my mother-in-law’s belongings (she passed away in January). My father-in-law is living in the home, so we aren’t completely emptying it, but are dealing with her personal items and all of the decorative, holiday, and non-functional items my father-in-law doesn’t want … Read more

in late 2012 I learned I was gluten and lactose intolerant. It was really hard to accept at first. My first thought was that I would toe the line at home but since it is “just” an intolerance and not an allergy, I could eat the forbidden foods when dining out or at other people’s homes. I quickly learned that that wasn’t going to work. I felt so GOOD when I avoided gluten and lactose and was so, so sick when I ate them. Finally I learned to embrace the restrictions. It took a while but I learned that I can make almost anything I want at home. Eating out can be a challenge, but is manageable, particularly as more and more food professionals become aware of food intolerances (the only things missing in my home repertoire of substitutes are puff pastry and filo dough).

My husband soon admitted that he too was gluten and lactose intolerance (after eating LF and GF at home for months he succumbed to pizza at the office and had to admit it. A few later experiments with salad dressing drove the point home even harder to him). It’s easier having someone else in my boat, so to speak.

Once I had this figured out, I thought I was home free. Cup4Cup flour and Lactaid and away I went.

The universe laughed at me. This fall, my mother-in-law ended up in the hospital and then a nursing home and then hospice. I took on the job of feeding my father-in-law several nights a week. His biggest request was soup, so as I posted here on the blog, I began my fall soup fest, making 2-3 batches of soup a week. And I suddenly I began to feel sick again. I ripped the house apart, searching for what I was sure was a hidden source of gluten. I called every manufacturer of every OTC or prescription drug, cosmetic, and health product I was taking or using. I read the ingredients on every item in my pantry. I could not solve the problem, but I knew something I was eating was making me very sick.

My first stop was to pay for food intolerance testing through a functional medicine doctor, none of which (visits or tests) were covered by insurance. I walked away with a detailed list with one food to never eat (black beans – something I never eat anyhow), foods to avoid for 3 months (which included chicken, which I was eating probably 4 times a week, and things like basil and cantaloupe) and foods I should only eat every 4 days (including baker’s yeast and egg whites). The theory was I had leaky gut syndrome and these foods were creating an inflammatory reaction in my body, leading to my GI symptoms and worsening my autoimmune interstitial cystitis (basically an angry bladder). I was SO excited to have a possible solution. I stuck to the diet and took the supplements that were supposed to help me. If anything, I continued to get worse. Nothing was helping.

I suddenly remembered an article I had read in Gluten-Free Living about a special diet for people who were gluten-free but suddenly sick again. It’s called the FODMAP diet. The theory behind it is that there are certain sugars/carbohydrates in specific foods that draw lots of water into your intestines. For some people, this gets out of control, causing severe GI symptoms. Wheat and lactose are on the list of foods that cause this and apparently it is very common that people who think they are gluten intolerant suddenly become unable to tolerate these foods as well – the thinking is you are not intolerant of the gluten itself but the sugar/carbohydrate type in it.

It was worth a try. I began the elimination diet and cut out a huge list of foods and immediately felt 100% better. It was the same feeling as when I eliminated wheat and dairy from my diet – a sudden, drastic change in my health for the better. I knew I was on to something. I then began to experiment with adding back in the 5 groups of foods back into my diet to test them.  It turns out I have a pretty severe reaction to 4 of the 5 groups and have some problem foods in the 5th group.

The stunner for me was that the entire family that includes onions/garlic/beets, asparagus, cabbage, Brussels sprouts and broccoli were HUGE triggers for me.  And then it hit me. I’d been making all this soup and soup ALWAYS has onion in it. I thought I was eating healthily with tons of fruits and veggies and in fact, many of these foods were making me sick. By eating soup most nights of the week, I was feeding myself one of my big triggers. It was ridiculous, maddening and really upsetting to realize I had to cut ALL of these foods out of my diet, possibly forever.

Again, when cooking at home, I found work-arounds. Cooking without onion and garlic is supremely challenging though. So many of the dishes most cooks make contain these two aromatics. I started experimenting. I learned I could eat the green tops of scallions and this became my go-to instead of onions. They work perfectly in its place and add a nice green color as well. That was simple. Garlic is harder, but the scallion tops are an ok substitute. Horseradish works to give me a bite when I need it and I’ve also found that Dijon mustard is also a good alternative.

It is hard to deal with the loss of so many of my favorite fruits and veggies: broccoli was on our table twice a week. Now I still make it for the family, but I eat something else (cauliflower is a good substitute). Apples were my go-to fruit (so portable and perfect!), but they are also on my no-no list. Fortunately all berries and pears are ok for me. I haven’t yet had nectarines, peaches or plums, but those will have to be tested since they are in the polyol family. I’m not missing the galactan group so much – kidney beans, baked beans, etc. since I was never a huge fan to begin with. Cashews (my fave nut) and pistachios are out. So I’m eating pecans and almonds instead.

Once again, many prepared foods are now off the table. Spaghetti sauce has onion and garlic.  Any restaurant or prepared pizza has garlic and onions in the sauce. Goodbye.  Hummus has chick peas. Salad dressings have onion or garlic. Ketchup has onion or garlic powder but does not seem to bother me. I’m still learning what I can tolerate and what I can’t. Eating out has now become all but impossible. I either have to walk in with a printed, detailed list of items I can’t have (Yes, I am now THAT person) – not only must my food be gluten-free but it can’t have onions or garlic. I can most likely determine the presence of the fruits and vegetables I can’t eat myself from a menu description and my food knowledge, but I can’t order anything without checking on the onion and garlic. Even a simple hamburger might contain them. It’s stressful, frustrating and annoying that food, which was one of the big loves and hobbies in my life has now become a burden and a challenge. My woo-woo acupuncturist would tell me that the universe is asking me to learn the lesson that we must sometimes let go of the things we are most attached to, and often the hardest lessons are the most important. I say universe, you’re stinky.

So I’m moving forward, carefully filling my cart at the grocery store and more committed than ever to the fact that I have to simply accept that the best choice is to cook at home and not eat at restaurants. At a point in my life when I have less free time than ever before, I have to make time to cook real food. This new diet is forcing me to work with foods I avoided before. Swiss chard is in the crisper this week. Spaghetti squash is sitting on the counter. We’re eating more zucchini. Little by little I will find a way to move forward without feeling deprived and/or crazy. It’s all about looking for alternatives and having patience as you try them.

I would love to hear from my readers who are also dealing with food allergies, intolerances, and substitutes. What are you avoiding and how you are working around it?

 

in late 2012 I learned I was gluten and lactose intolerant. It was really hard to accept at first. My first thought was that I would toe the line at home but since it is “just” an intolerance and not an allergy, I could eat the forbidden foods when dining out or at other people’s … Read more

div orgToday I’m announcing the release of my newest book, The Divorce Organizer and Planner, second edition. In my former life I was a divorce attorney and this book is the culmination of everything I used to tell my clients. The book helps you organize the many documents you need to give to your attorney, offers checklists for getting through the divorce, and provides advice about how to win a custody case, make a good impression on the judge, and stay sane.  The tips in the book allow you to save on legal fees because you are able to present your attorney with carefully organized documents and evidence, reducing the work your attorney will have to do in your case. It also helps you think clearly at a time when clarity is something you desperately need. The book comes with a CD containing forms and checklists. It’s an invaluable resource if you are in a divorce or considering filing.

Today I’m announcing the release of my newest book, The Divorce Organizer and Planner, second edition. In my former life I was a divorce attorney and this book is the culmination of everything I used to tell my clients. The book helps you organize the many documents you need to give to your attorney, offers … Read more

TGOTT_Logo7I’ve recently launched a new blog, called Taking Gluten Off the Table. It’s got two sections. One section is gluten-free recipes and food products. The second section is dining out – both here in my Western New York area and as we travel. My goal is to make the gluten-free life a bit easier for other people like me (and my husband) who cannot eat it. I’ve found that going GF has been pretty easy to do at home. I can make almost anything, but there are still a few things I’m desperate to figure out and am working on them, so I share that journey. However, dining out is so much harder than it should be. Hopefully my reviews will help people know where they can find good gluten-free experiences in restaurants and also make restaurants more aware of the needs of people on gluten-free diets.

If you know someone who is gluten free or has celiac, would you share the link with them? If you’re in WNY, please help me reach the people in our area who need this information!

I’ve recently launched a new blog, called Taking Gluten Off the Table. It’s got two sections. One section is gluten-free recipes and food products. The second section is dining out – both here in my Western New York area and as we travel. My goal is to make the gluten-free life a bit easier for … Read more

moms-day-collageCongratulations to Rachel, whose entry at Parenting Without Borders was chosen as the winner of the great prize pack in this fun giveaway I joined in with other bloggers. Thanks to all who entered and helped make this giveaway a big success!

Congratulations to Rachel, whose entry at Parenting Without Borders was chosen as the winner of the great prize pack in this fun giveaway I joined in with other bloggers. Thanks to all who entered and helped make this giveaway a big success!

AppleBlossom6Happy Mother’s Day to all (and if you’re not a mom, then Happy Mother’s Day to your mom). I thought I would share the most exciting thing in our backyard as a little Mother’s Day card. Last summer we planted two apple trees in our yard. This was our first try planting trees (other than some that we dug up from my dad’s back field years ago). They took! They’re in bloom! I’m so thrilled! I’ve always wantedAppleBlossom5 a flowering tree!

Happy Mother’s Day to all (and if you’re not a mom, then Happy Mother’s Day to your mom). I thought I would share the most exciting thing in our backyard as a little Mother’s Day card. Last summer we planted two apple trees in our yard. This was our first try planting trees (other than … Read more

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